Case Study of Overcoming Appearance Complex

Case Study on Overcoming Appearance Complex

This story, shared with consent, is about overcoming an appearance complex that formed at a young age and persisted into the 40s. The individual became interested in psychology in their late 30s and began to address their psychological issues, eventually working towards a healthier life.

Diary of OOO
I find myself looking in the mirror often.
In the morning, afternoon, and evening, I see different versions of myself.
In the morning, I look fresh and pretty, even younger.
In the afternoon, I appear my age. The wrinkles under my eyes seem more pronounced.
In the evening, I look older than I am. It's miserable.
I research skincare products and use face packs, believing they're better than doing nothing.
I even consult with dermatologists.
Then one day, I thought,

"Why am I so focused on my appearance?"

Isn't it normal for a woman to care about her looks?
But why am I so stressed about it?
Why am I envious of women who undergo cosmetic procedures?
Why can't I meet others without makeup? Is it just manners?
Since when? When did I start caring so much about my looks?
I've been pondering this for over a week.

Today, I'm visiting my mother in the hospital.
As I enter her room, the other patients comment,

"Ah, is this your daughter? She's beautiful."

To which she responds,

"She's not the pretty one."

I felt annoyed. Couldn't she just say 'My daughter is naturally beautiful,' even if it was just a polite remark?
It's ridiculous that I still have to hear such comments past 40,
and I disliked the elderly who speak thoughtlessly, even at 70.

That night, I had a dream.
I was standing on a hill with a dense forest ahead, and a spiderweb formed around my neck, with a large spider clinging to it. It was a nightmare, with the creature I hate most, with its eight legs, attached to my body.
I screamed for help to get it off, but no one came.
Exhausted, I looked up and saw a mirror.
Then, I realized.
Why I frequently looked in the mirror and worried about my appearance.
And then the spider vanished.

After the dream, a vivid memory emerged: my sibling's anniversary.
It was the day we took pictures in the yard, and something changed in me because of a comment by a passerby.
As the first child in a poor family, I watched my mother photograph my beautiful baby sibling on their 100th-day celebration.
It was a warm, windless day in November.
I remember the words of a passing lady,

"Oh my, such a beautiful baby, the most beautiful I've ever seen."
"All the babies I've seen, this one is the prettiest. Lucky mother."
"Ah, so pretty."

My mother's smile stretched ear to ear as she took the photos, and I just watched.
All attention was on my sibling, the 'pretty child' in my mother's eyes.
When neighbors complimented my looks, I felt strange, and my mother didn't react.
Her usual comment was, 'The younger one is the pretty one.'
So, it was strange. I thought even the people who approached me and those who said I was pretty were deceiving me.
Now, I understand and accept my state.
The anger towards my complex was directed at my mother, perhaps a scapegoat for ignorance and poverty.
My interest in appearance persists but not as before.
I now think, 'I'm just aging gracefully,' and feel more at peace.
My face brightens, and people occasionally say I look younger.
I'm focusing on enriching myself, writing to soothe my mind, and publishing books.
My hope is to live a healthy life.

The Formation of the Appearance Complex

The protagonist first experienced comparison based on appearance during their sibling's 100th-day celebration, triggered by a stranger's compliment. The stranger's praise, validated by social standards, set the beauty benchmark in the family on the sibling's appearance. The protagonist grew up feeling less pretty, believing that the comparison was normal. This early childhood experience of indirect comparison on their sibling's special day led to the formation of an appearance complex.

Self-Evaluation and Parental Influence

The mother's joy in photographing the baby and responding to the stranger's compliment highlights the impact of parental attitudes on self-evaluation. Positive parental responses enhance self-esteem, and the lack thereof can have negative effects. If the mother had reassured the protagonist of their own beauty, they might not have felt deceived by others' compliments. The protagonist's narrative shows how the mother's attitude towards appearance contributed to their insecurity, damaged self-image, and lowered self-respect.

Stress and Concerns About Appearance

The protagonist frequently feels stressed and concerned about their appearance, questioning why women must endure such stress and why they envy other women's looks. They experience discomfort and prejudice regarding female appearance from their mother's response to the elderly patients' comments, reflecting the social reality where women are easily subjected to negative evaluations and biases about their looks.

Enlightenment and Growth Through a Dream

The protagonist gains insight into their focus on appearance through a dream. The spiderweb and spider symbolize the appearance complex and negative self-image, and their disappearance represents overcoming and growth. This dream suggests deep reflection on their state and an effort to look beyond external situations to the fundamental issues.

Conclusion

As the story demonstrates, the formation of an appearance complex involves complex processes influenced by social, familial, and personal factors. Overcoming an appearance complex is not solely about achieving a desired physical appearance, as it may lead to addiction-like behavior. To truly move past a complex, one must confront deep-seated scars from its initial formation. Facing one's perceived flaws directly is fundamental to psychological therapy.

Understanding and accepting these aspects and forming a positive self-image through appropriate means is crucial. Discovering one's unique beauty and value can overcome negative feelings about appearance.

 

*Lastly, 'choose words carefully.' Thoughtless remarks can significantly impact a child's life. Children are heavily influenced by parents and their environment. Creating an environment that allows them to express inner conflicts and emotions freely and empathetically is essential.